Girls Will Be Girls...

Dear Innocent Men,

I know, it’s a scary world for you today.  At any moment, through absolutely no fault of your own some woman can accuse you of sexual misconduct – and she might be believed.  For years, even millennia, our silence has been encouraged by a system that placed concern for innocent men, like yourself, above all – even our safety. But now women are speaking out to expose violators and reveal how prevalent the problem is.  I know you think that’s great, but you also know that now your own life can be intruded upon, violated and torn apart because of someone else’s far-fetched ideas of their own privileges.

Alas, it is a dangerous world you navigate now.  But you do have some power, some recourse, some control.  I’ve listed some things below that you can incorporate into your life to prevent you from becoming a victim.

1)  Don’t ever rape, sexually assault, or harass anyone.  Did you know that of the 60% of rapes and sexual assaults that are actually reported, only 2% of them turn out to be “False Accusations”.  So, as long as you never rape, sexually assault, or harass anyone, chances are very very good that you will never be accused. Boy, I wish my daughter had those kinds of odds.  As it is she has a 30% chance of being sexually assaulted before she’s 24, to say nothing of harassment.

2)  Watch out for situations where you are alone with a woman. Your best bet is to never give a would be accuser the chance.  For example; if your elevator finally comes and you see a lone woman inside, wait for the next elevator.  Stairs are not really an option because you could very easily find yourself alone with a woman who is just waiting for an opportunity to pounce. No matter how much she may lure or manipulate, do not go with a woman into a space that’s away from other eyes that could back you up if she cries “assault”. Basically, if you are in a situation where you could do something unseemly, leave immediately.  

3)  If you are in a crowded situation, such as a bus or subway and are forced into close proximity with women…well there isn’t much you can do about that one.  Good luck.

4)  Don’t be a tease.  Women’s emotions are very easily aroused.  She may interpret your sexual advances as intentions to begin a committed and serious relationship that could perhaps lead to marriage and children. If this turns out to not be the case she can become very vindictive indeed and feel she is owed something.  Feeling used and betrayed might motivate her to reinterpret her time with you.  This particular issue can easily be avoided.  Always be upfront with a woman regarding how you feel.  If this particular liaison is just a one night stand, or something you’re doing until you can find someone better, or just a dalliance at the office while your wife is recovering from childbirth, be sure to tell them just that.  Of course, telling a woman how you really feel might make her unwilling to have sex with you (we’re more willing to drop our panties if we think there’s some chance of a real relationship in the future), but be warned, eliciting feelings you don’t intend to follow through on can lead to a false accusation down the road.

5)  Don’t get drunk.  Sure, getting hammered with your friends at a bar is a lot of fun, but it leaves you in a very vulnerable state.  A woman can easily isolate you from your friends, and…Well, goodbye scholarship.

6)  Be aware of the message your clothes are sending.  This is tricky because you want to look attractive for SOME women, but not ANY woman. Just keep in mind, women can’t help themselves when they see an attractive man and don’t necessarily understand that he may not be trying to specifically attract them. In fact, many women assume that if they are attracted to you, then you of course must be attracted them. If it turns out you aren’t attracted and spurn their advances…Oh boy, look out.  Best not to catch their attention and find another way to impress the woman you do like.  Also, don’t flash your wealth.  That sends a signal like the bat light over Gotham -- “Hey, easy pickins here”.  

Following these rules will greatly increase your chances of NOT getting falsely accused of sexual misconduct.  Remember, girls will be girls.  Beware and remember you can’t just tell from looking at someone.  She may appear sweet and even charming, but never forget that the female species is naturally, vindictive, manipulative and opportunistic -- even evil, according to some.  It’s just how they are wired.  You can’t blame them for what they are any more than you can blame a shark for attacking and eating a seal.  It is YOUR responsibility to keep yourself safe from their nature. If something does happen, you most likely have done something to expose yourself and probably deserve it.

Of course, there are those rare occasions when an innocent man has done nothing wrong, has followed all the rules, and somehow a woman can still say terrible things about him, ruining the life he has built for himself.  If this is the case there really isn’t much you can do about it.  I suggest you lay back and enjoy it.