Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Consider Yourself Warned!

I was commiserating with my friend Linda this morning on disastrous birthday parties for our kids, snotty attitudes, and children who are just plain determined to piss on the electric fence*. Linda has 4 kids ranging in ages from 15 to 3. I came into motherhood rather late in life, and have just 1. After telling her a little of the hell my petulant 4 year old has been putting me through lately, I said…

“Being a Mom…it kinda sucks.”

“Yeah, it does.” She agreed.

“Well, why didn’t you tell me?” I accused.

“Didn’t I?” She asked in earnest.


It’s some sort of weird conspiracy mothers have. No one really tells you what a marrow sucking, soul retching battle it is. Ok maybe they do, but then it’s always followed up with, “Oh, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.”

And you, poor soul, buy it—hook, line and sinker. Well, I am stepping out and I’m telling you it sucks. Maybe that’s going to change, I’ll keep you posted, but for now you’ve been warned.

I know you’re not going believe me. You see those kids throwing a screaming mimi in the middle of the grocery store and you think it will be different with your kids. You are sure that with a firm hand and gentle pressure you can get your children to yield to your better judgment.

All I can say is when you have an ill-tempered, tantrum throwing, carpet pissing, abusive little brat trying to manipulate and control your every move morning, noon, and all through the night, you might just find yourself thinking…

“This kinda sucks.”

*"Some people can hear.  Some people gotta see.  ...And some people have just got to piss on the electric fence themself".

-Judge Mills Lane

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