Suck it up, Buttercup

This week at a Mississippi rally, Trump claimed that Kavanaugh's life is now in "tatters",  that "a man's life has been shattered".  Also, variations of the above meme have been circulated on Facebook.

Let's put things in perspective here. This is hardly ruining Kavanaugh's life. He won't have to go to jail, he won't have to pay Blasey-Ford any money, he won't have to pay any fines. He will still live in the very fine home I imagine he has, he will still have a very comfortable income, he will still have the love and support of important and influential people who will ensure he and his continue to live a privileged life.

True, he may not get a job he really wants. (You just rolled your eyes, didn't you?) But most likely the worst consequence will be that the people he cares the very least about will walk around America thinking he's guilty of sexual assault. I'm not saying that's easy and that it isn't upsetting, I'm just saying it won't "ruin your life" unless you let it.

Even if he were to not get the job (and there go the eyes again), sure that's a bitter pill to take, especially if you are innocent (you're going to give yourself a headache). No doubt that stings, but it's not "shattering". It's something you can get through. Many, many people live happy and fulfilled lives that don't serve as Supreme Court Judges. I dare say there are many people who wanted to be a supreme court judge and never got it for a number of reasons and still carry on.

Look at Merrick Garland. He was denied even a chance to be confirmed for the job. Lindsey Graham himself said that Garland was "honest with a reputation beyond reproach". But in spite of this and through no fault of his own Garland didn't get the job and I don't recall anyone then howling about how his life was ruined.

Here is a story about a man whose life really was ruined because of a false accusation.

26 Years Later, Justice for Men Imprisoned for a Bogus Rape

He spent 26 years in prison starting from when he was 19. That's right, from the age of 19 until he was 45 he was in prison for a crime he did not commit.

FYI: That is what a ruined life looks like. I'm sure given half a chance Mr. Counts would gladly trade places with Mr. Kavanaugh. But he also said "I can’t be angry. If I waste a minute being angry it’s a waste of time. That’s a minute I could have been happy".

So suck it up Brett Kavanaugh. If he can do it, so can you.

Girls Will Be Girls...

Dear Innocent Men,

I know, it’s a scary world for you today.  At any moment, through absolutely no fault of your own some woman can accuse you of sexual misconduct – and she might be believed.  For years, even millennia, our silence has been encouraged by a system that placed concern for innocent men, like yourself, above all – even our safety. But now women are speaking out to expose violators and reveal how prevalent the problem is.  I know you think that’s great, but you also know that now your own life can be intruded upon, violated and torn apart because of someone else’s far-fetched ideas of their own privileges.

Alas, it is a dangerous world you navigate now.  But you do have some power, some recourse, some control.  I’ve listed some things below that you can incorporate into your life to prevent you from becoming a victim.

1)  Don’t ever rape, sexually assault, or harass anyone.  Did you know that of the 60% of rapes and sexual assaults that are actually reported, only 2% of them turn out to be “False Accusations”.  So, as long as you never rape, sexually assault, or harass anyone, chances are very very good that you will never be accused. Boy, I wish my daughter had those kinds of odds.  As it is she has a 30% chance of being sexually assaulted before she’s 24, to say nothing of harassment.

2)  Watch out for situations where you are alone with a woman. Your best bet is to never give a would be accuser the chance.  For example; if your elevator finally comes and you see a lone woman inside, wait for the next elevator.  Stairs are not really an option because you could very easily find yourself alone with a woman who is just waiting for an opportunity to pounce. No matter how much she may lure or manipulate, do not go with a woman into a space that’s away from other eyes that could back you up if she cries “assault”. Basically, if you are in a situation where you could do something unseemly, leave immediately.  

3)  If you are in a crowded situation, such as a bus or subway and are forced into close proximity with women…well there isn’t much you can do about that one.  Good luck.

4)  Don’t be a tease.  Women’s emotions are very easily aroused.  She may interpret your sexual advances as intentions to begin a committed and serious relationship that could perhaps lead to marriage and children. If this turns out to not be the case she can become very vindictive indeed and feel she is owed something.  Feeling used and betrayed might motivate her to reinterpret her time with you.  This particular issue can easily be avoided.  Always be upfront with a woman regarding how you feel.  If this particular liaison is just a one night stand, or something you’re doing until you can find someone better, or just a dalliance at the office while your wife is recovering from childbirth, be sure to tell them just that.  Of course, telling a woman how you really feel might make her unwilling to have sex with you (we’re more willing to drop our panties if we think there’s some chance of a real relationship in the future), but be warned, eliciting feelings you don’t intend to follow through on can lead to a false accusation down the road.

5)  Don’t get drunk.  Sure, getting hammered with your friends at a bar is a lot of fun, but it leaves you in a very vulnerable state.  A woman can easily isolate you from your friends, and…Well, goodbye scholarship.

6)  Be aware of the message your clothes are sending.  This is tricky because you want to look attractive for SOME women, but not ANY woman. Just keep in mind, women can’t help themselves when they see an attractive man and don’t necessarily understand that he may not be trying to specifically attract them. In fact, many women assume that if they are attracted to you, then you of course must be attracted them. If it turns out you aren’t attracted and spurn their advances…Oh boy, look out.  Best not to catch their attention and find another way to impress the woman you do like.  Also, don’t flash your wealth.  That sends a signal like the bat light over Gotham -- “Hey, easy pickins here”.  

Following these rules will greatly increase your chances of NOT getting falsely accused of sexual misconduct.  Remember, girls will be girls.  Beware and remember you can’t just tell from looking at someone.  She may appear sweet and even charming, but never forget that the female species is naturally, vindictive, manipulative and opportunistic -- even evil, according to some.  It’s just how they are wired.  You can’t blame them for what they are any more than you can blame a shark for attacking and eating a seal.  It is YOUR responsibility to keep yourself safe from their nature. If something does happen, you most likely have done something to expose yourself and probably deserve it.

Of course, there are those rare occasions when an innocent man has done nothing wrong, has followed all the rules, and somehow a woman can still say terrible things about him, ruining the life he has built for himself.  If this is the case there really isn’t much you can do about it.  I suggest you lay back and enjoy it.

Dear Millennials

Dear Millennials

I'm sorry, I know we kinda screwed you.

You are 1/2 as likely to own a home as someone your age in 1975.  1 out of 5 of you are living in poverty.  I know you've taken on at least 300% more student debt than your parents and that most of your salary is consumed with rent.  You are likely to be the first generation that will be poorer than the generation before you.  And to make matters worse you have to listen to the very people who screwed you lecture you about entitlement and hard work.  I know it must be galling at best.

But here is the thing about America.  Whatever it may be, it is something we collectively create through our votes and so you have the power to make a difference in what happen--

Oh, what a minute.  No, not really I guess.  Because half you DIDN'T VOTE!

 Yeah, that's right.  Half of all millennials eligible to vote couldn't be bothered.  So while you're complaining that the previous generation screwed your future with participation trophies and a massive national debt you might want to take a look in the mirror.

I personally know millennials who refused to vote in the last election.  Refused.  Didn't want to choose the "lesser of two evils".  You know what?  Grow up.  You don't always get to choose between kittens and rainbows.  Sometimes you have to make hard choices.  Your inability to do that proves the point of people who call you spoiled and lazy.

I know the choice you had in the last presidential election was like a game of "would you rather" gone really really bad.  Having to choose between an incompetent nincompoop and a murderous shrill was a difficult call to make.  Some advise:  under such circumstances, it might benefit you to consider which of those two evils is more likely to protect the environment you are going to have to live in, or who is most likely to add to an already growing mountain of national debt, or what platform seemed most interested in making sure you'd have insurance when and if you ever move out of your parents basement.

You don't like the way the future looks in this country? You don't like not having insurance?  You don't like the way the economy seems to favor the already privileged?  You don't like paying into a social security system that will be bankrupt long before you can withdraw a penny?  You don't like toxins being released into the air you have to breathe?

You do have a voice.  It's called a vote.  It was purchased for you by the very generation you blame for our current problems.  That 19-year old boy who was shot in the chest as soon as he stepped off the boat onto Normandy Beach -- he bought it for you with his blood that gushed all over the sand.  So you know what, put on your big girl/boy panties and go VOTE.


And guess what, you don't have to wait every 4 years for the big presidential election.  You can vote every year for senators, congressmen, state representatives, or governors.  There are all kinds of ways you can vote.

I know that it isn't as easy for some of you.  I know that barriers have been put in place to make it difficult.  But as hard as it may be, it's not impossible.  So take a day off, take the 3 buses, or whatever it takes, to go to your local DMV.  Do a little research ahead of time so you know what to bring with you.  Yeah, you may have may have to make a phone call or two to track down a copy of your birth certificate  You may have to remember to hang onto a copy of your electric bill for a few weeks.  It's a giant pain in the ass, I know.  Even still, gather up everything you need and go get yourself an ID, and register to vote.  While these things are inconvenient,  it seems like a small price to pay to gain a voice in the future of this nation.

No one has been a greater advocate for you than me.  I see your hard work, your integrity, your kindness and I think it's unfair that you are so maligned.  But there is only so much I can do for you.  It PISSES me off that you won't go vote.  People who don't vote, don't get to complain.  So either get your asses out to the polls or shut up and get ready to go down in flames with this country.

Now to the half of you who did vote, thank you.  Clearly, this is not directed at you.  But before you start to whine about how screwed you are,  consider that energy might be better spent getting your buddies out the voting booth than trying to convince the people who screwed you to begin with to stop screwing you now.

If you think your one vote is too insignificant to make a difference I beg you to reconsider.  Millennials now rival baby boomers as a political force.  You are over 1/3 of the overall electorate.   Yet you have the lowest voter turnout of any other age group -- and you have more at stake in this game than anyone else.  You have the power to change the outcome of elections, especially in the pivotal swing states.  Rather than showing up to protest Trump's election, you could have shown up at the polls and made a difference in the actual election itself.  Think about it and then choose.  Stand for something.  Because in spite of what you may think, not voting isn't standing for anything.

Now, I'm sure you can probably guess which way I'm hoping you'll vote.  Most of you do have a tendency. like me, to lean left.  But even if that's not the case.  Even if your collective choice would be to put someone like Donald Trump in the White House it will be YOUR choice, your future, your fate to embrace or try to change.

The problem with that, of course, is that it means you'll have to take responsibility for what happens. You won't be able to blame us anymore for your unfortunate future.  It means instead of crying about how screwed you are you'll have to take the time to study out the issues and decide which is going to be the least awful.  Not ideal, I know.  Welcome to adulthood.  No one is going to figure it all out for you, but on the upside, you get to spend the night with someone whenever you want, so there's that.

I've lost sympathy for you.  And you know why?  Because right now I have a young daughter who can't vote and your whinny ass entitled apathy is affecting her.  She is going to inherit the word YOU create.  How's that for a change.  You are responsible for the next generation.  Try to do better for her than we did for you.

Effing VOTE!  You'll be doing yourself, and my daughter,  a tremendous favor.

Why I Hope Trump Fails

Yeah,  you read that right.  I hope Trump fails.

I know it's pretty petty sounding, especially when the likes of Tom Hanks, Barak Obama and even Hillary Clinton herself have come out and said they hope for America that he's successful.  I've tried to get my head around that and I can't, I just can't.

The man sickens me, people.  And it isn't because of the biased media, it's because of the things he says and does and tweets.  He sickened me when he called Hillary Clinton a "nasty woman" on national television and led chants of "lock her up".  It sickens me that he lives in the lap of ostentatious excess after using bankruptcy laws to bilk honest contractors out of thousands, even millions of dollars.  It sickens me that his twitter comments more closely resemble that of a petulant adolecent child rather than a grown man elected to lead the free world.

Most of all it sickens me that he's a bully - and he won.

And if this foul mouthed, lying cheat of bully is successful, God help us all.  Because if he is successful everything I've ever been taught about kindness, honesty and graciousness has been grossly inaccurate. If that's the case, if that's really the case where does that leave us?  Teaching our children that you can lie, blatantly lie, if you repeat it enough, that you can slither out of obligations, marriages, business contracts, if you are clever enough, that you can expect the whole word to bow to your ego if your rich and powerful enough.  I don't want to live in that world and I don't want to leave that world behind for my children.

I was taught my whole life that things like kindness, and honesty and decency make the world a better place. Crudeness, taking advantage of the weak, stealing something that wasn't ours might have their momentary reward, but ultimately they dirtied the world that you had to live in.  I was taught it was worth sacrificing immediate gratification, the Freudian ID, for a greater good. And I bought it. I believed it - the whole thing.  I believed that living the golden rule would make our society better for everyone, including me.

I realize as I write that how ridiculous it is.  After all, we live in a real word.  Nice guys finish last.  You can't expect to prosper by playing fair.  Business is war.  Take what you can get and never look back. Look out for #1.  Things like courtesy, integrity, and intelligence are just casualties we need to leave by the wayside.   I guess living by the rules of decency is for chumps.

If you want to get ahead, you've got to think like Donald Trump.  You can't argue with his results -- he's been elected President of the United States of America.  If he is successful as a president we can expect that philosophy to be copied and magnified for generations.

I'm not completely naive.  I know how the world is.  I just had hope that we could eventually make it a better place.

And if Donald Trump is successful -- that hope is gone.

An Argument to let Trump be Trump

A few years ago when my daughter was just a toddler she had a plastic "Toy Story" plate she really liked.  One day we happen to have it outside and she wanted to throw it like a frisbee.  I tried to convince her it wasn't a frisbee, that it would fall and most likely break.  But she was determined it would fly like a frisbee, so finally I threw it as requested.

Almost immediately it fell to the hard concrete surface and broke.  Never again has my daughter wanted to throw a plate like a frisbee.


By watching the plate break she understood that just because something is shaped like a frisbee does not mean it will fly like a frisbee.  Sometimes people just need to see things for themselves to understand why it won't work.  Ideas need to be given the chance to fail.

A large part of my frustration over the last several years is that I don't think President Obama really got a fair chance while in the white house.  From the beginning the Right blocked, opposed, filabustered, and did everything they possibly could to keep him from doing what he wanted to do.  And if they kept him from succeeding it wasn't because he failed, it was because he simply never got to try.

The hope and change I wanted got stuck in congress and because I never saw it break, I'm still convinced it can fly.

Now America has elected a new change, a completely different direction from Obama.  Believe me, there is a petty person inside of me that wants the Trump administration to suffer the exact same treatment Obama recieved.  Oppose.  Block. Filabuster.  Refuse to compromise.  Make it impossible for him to succeed.  Make it impossible for him to try.

But I don't think that's the right thing to do -- not just because I'm trying to be Christian. It's because at the end of 4 or even 8 (gulp) years I want Trump supporters to feel like they got a fair chance.  I want them to see for themsleves that the policies Trump and his party endorses are not going to work.  They need to see that plate fall and break.  And until they see that they will never be convinced to try a new direction.

We can try to stop each and every thing that Trump wants to do.  That might slow the whole process down.  When enough people get frustrated because nothing is happening the vote will swing back in the other direction.  Then we'll start all over again.  Oppose, block, flilabuster, frustrate, change the vote.  Seems to be the pattern we are comfortable with.

The only problem is we're not getting anywhere.  And frankly at this point in time I'm willing to go in the wrong direction as long as were moving.  Sometimes you can't tell if your heading the right way until you actually move.   And we havn't been moving.  We're like two donkeys pulling in opposite directions and never getting anywhere.  Maybe a donkey and an elephant would be a better analogy, but hopefully you get the point.

So, as much as it pains me, as much as I'm convinced Trump's tax plan will plunge us further into debt,  that every year we ignore the global climat change crises we decrease our ability to deal with it effectively, that until Citizens United is reversed we will have a bought congress...and the list goes on.  As much as I'm convinced of these things I believe we need to give Trump's policies a fair and honest go.  We need to let Trump be Trump.  We need to be willing to let him fail -- or succeed.

I'm not saying give him carte blanche.  He isn't King afterall.  Democrat congressmen should vote for their conscious -- I know they will.  But the game of opposing, shutting down the government, refusing to cooperate and compromise, or to even consider something potentially good because of the source, has to stop.  Like it or not this is what the American people elected and trying to block their will is only going to build resentment and anger.  Trust me, I know.

I believe some of Trumps policies are downright dangerous.  I hope that in the spirit of compromise we can find a way to temper the most harmful and extreme.  I realize it's easy for me, an older white middle class woman to say that.  But I swear to you I don't know what else to do.  I just spent 8 years banging my head aginst a brick wall.  Until people are personally effected by the policies they voted for they will never understand.   If anyone is convinced it will only be when and if they can see and experience the real consquenses of what they voted for.  Consequenses are how we learn.  Interfering with those hampers our ability to figure out what works and what does not.

Does the thought of this terrify me.  Yes!  But I'm clinging to the belief that somehow democracy is resilent enough.  That somehow we can self correct.  I have to have faith that democracy is strong enough to let us fail from time to time so we can learn.

I readily admit, I'm not being open minded.  I think things are going to fail, and fail in a spectacular fashion.  But I'm still willing to try.  And if I'm willing to do that I think it's only fair that Trump and his supporters own whatever happens.

And you know what, maybe I'm wrong.  Maybe that plate is going to catch the wind in an unexpected way and soar.  Maybe it will end up being the best frisbee ever, like championship level and all the naysayers like me will say, "Oh my gosh. I was so wrong."  And I will.

Either way we are finally learning what works and what doesn't and maybe we can finally move ahead.

Not. My. President.

Donald Trump is not my president. After seeing such vitrolic and slanderous rhetoric leveled at my candidate I'm not yet ready or willing to come under the happy blanket of good will and embrace America's choice.   He will never be my president.   But although he may not be my president I accept that he is the president of the United States of America.

So to all those Trump supporters I make this pledge:

1) If he does something I agree with I'll support him.

2) In the event he does something I disagree with I will consider both sides of the story before making my own conclusions, using facts found thorugh balanced research and legitimate resources.

3) I will remember that when you disrespect a political figure, such as the president, you disrespect everyone who voted for him as well.

4) I will try, although I know I will fail at times, to keep the snark to a minimum.

The only thing I ask is that whatever happens over the next four years, good or bad, you own it because he's YOUR president.  Whether you voted for him proudly or in shame he's yours.  All yours.


Here we go.  Good Luck America.

Yeah, I really did

Dear Department of Transportation,

As you are in charge of when we switch to and from Daylight Savings Time I have a request I hope you will consider seriously.

Switching back to regular time in the fall is a difficult transition for many people because it gets so dark, so very very dark, so soon.  Sunlight plays a key factor in our sense of well being and I'm sure you’re aware that sunlight deprivation is a real thing (just ask Sweden).

Might I suggest that in the future switching back to regular time not be combined with Election Week?  As divisive as our political atmosphere is today many, many people are bound to be bitterly disappointed and a seemingly little thing like suddenly loosing an hour of sun at the end of the day can easily send someone who is struggling with the outcome of the election on a slow maddening descent into darkness full of deep despair.

Alright, that was a little dramatic, wasn't it?  But I'm sure you get the idea.   It just seems like a good idea to give the two calendar items a little space.  Our country's mental health issues aren't really getting the attention they need and it just seems like good idea to make sure people who are dealing with an election result that is less than appealing aren't having to also deal with aching overwhelming darkness that fills the sky before you can even leave work.

Please, please take this into consideration for the next election.

Sincerely,

Kelly Ladd

Suwanee, GA